Flashback: September 14, 2008: Almost three months since I met cancer. Most of that time had been spent in utter panic. Three days since my first chemotherapy. I was a little tired, a little nauseous and a whole lot lost. Breast Cancer you say? Hey, we have a race for that. My brothers, my kids and my at-the-time boss and her husband joined me in the Race for the Cure. I didn't know about the dark side of Komen then. I hadn't met people like Rachel who investigated their financials and had never even heard of Gayle Sulik who has quite literally written the book on the down side of all this damned pink.
All I knew was that there were hundreds and hundreds of women in pink shirts there -- women who had traveled down a similar path as me, women who had come through the other side of what I had entered.
It wasn't until the next year or so that I really started question the spectacle of it all and wondering how we honor all the people who didn't make it through that fog.
All I knew was there there was a lot of women. A LOT of them who did it. If they could, maybe I could too.
Every year I cringe when I hear about the Race for the Cure. Do I do it? Do I not do it? Am I turning my back on people who might need me? Am I a sell out?
I have decided that, for now, I am going to do it. A couple of years ago, I raised money for it. Quite a bit of money, as I remember. I qualified for a free breakfast that year.
I won't raise money for them this year, or any other year, until they change their practices.
But the bottom line for me is this... I was scared to death in 2008 and seeing all those women who had cancer too was important to me. Inspirational and moving.
I feel like I need to pay that back, because who knows how many scared (and yes, naive) women will be there this year, looking for some sort of evidence that the hellish treatment is doable, and that life can be refashioned and reclaimed after breast cancer treatment.
IF you would like to come walk with me, come on down! September 24th in Cincinnati. You can google that if you want.
IF you would like to support me, I ask that you consider donations to two other organizations this year:
1) Breast Cancer Action: A true grassroots organization that has been agitating and speaking out with uncomfortable truths for some time now. Their Think Before You Pink Campaign has truly revolutionized my thinking about the breast cancer industry. LINK
2) National Breast Cancer Coalition: They are dedicated to educating people like me, to bring survivors into the conversation and most of all, to end breast cancer by 2020. I've been to their conferences and they say over and over again that no matter how much progress is made in treatment, it won't be enough until the disease is eradicated. LINK
I know there's a lot wrong with the state of breast cancer and of course I have been really vocal about a whole bunch of issues. But my hope is that Komen turns it around here and uses its TREMENDOUS resources to live up to their "for the Cure" name. Turning my back on all the good they have done will not bring us any closer to that goal.
For the record... this year I am NOT wearing the pink shirt. Stay tuned.
17 comments:
I really appreciate your expression of mixed feelings here. When I hear, see, or think Komen, I have a lot of negative feelings. Every woman in my family has had breast cancer at least once, and I feel like Komen is profiting on our backs (or chests, I guess). Despite that, I and my sisters have participated in numerous races for the cure for the same reason you express here, for the same reason so many women participate. It is a very empowering experience being surrounded by so many women who know what we know, who have lived what we have lived, to some degree at least.
So in my opinion, absolutely no explanation required from any woman who chooses to Run for the Cure. It's about feeling solidarity and support, even if "The Cause" is questionable.
Susan Beausang
This is great, Katie! I'm kind of on the same timeline as you, I was diagnosed with DCIS in April 2008 but didn't go on my first walk until 2009 when I went for/with a friend in Omaha. (I also went to two other breast cancer events that month: That was my high water mark!)Last year, I went for/with a dear friend in Kansas City. I'm not going on the walks anymore, although I am still donating to my friends who walk.
Like you, I knew nothing about Komen's priorities back then. Like you, I have huge mixed feelings. They've done so much good---just think of how much more good they could do if they turn their focus to research, which is the only way to find a cure.
Katie,
Your voice is powerful among many. How about shouting about Army of Women? No money required, no time volunteered, just a sign up..... I may hit the streets during the Komen race asking people if they would be willing to join the army. Hell, if they can walk for 3 days, they can surely take 60-90 seconds to sign up to get an email every few weeks???? If someone asks me to leave, I'll go quietly and politely and then use my blog to blast it to the world..... Still trying to find a way to "respond" to the NB article in HP. May not have the brain cells today... am going to give it a try....
Your sherpa friend...
AnneMarie
In Canada, we have the same event, except that it's called the Run for the Cure and the money goes to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation - not Komen. But I do have mixed feelings about the sponsors, about where the money doesn't go and about all the pink crap.
Last year, I started a team called No Pink for Profit. There were more than forty of us. That did get their attention and it helped me to feel a little less ambivalent. And, in the end, I wore a pink t-shirt. I wanted to be identified as a woman who'd been through it. And I celebrated every step.
No Pink for Profit will be at the Run for the Cure again this year. Haven't decided about the pink yet.
Life is full of contradictions. And compromise. Enjoy your run.
It is difficult not to have conflicting feelings. We all want to help rid the world of breast cancer....all cancer. And most of us would walk to the end of the earth to help that happen. The problem is, with all our good intentions, we are trusting the people who claim they are "for the cure", to take our money and end cancer without questioning their methods. Unfortunately, many have recognized the profitability of the PINK MOVEMENT and are doing quite well by it. People donating to anything should not just fork over their money. They should be sure they know where the money is going and that the goals and philosophy of the receiving foundation match theirs. This is where Komen needs to become more forthcoming. Donors need to demand information from Komen and Komen needs to give it, not mask it in "Komenspeak". The story of the promise to the dying sister rings in our ears, and we blindly trust Nancy is doing EVERYTHING to support the RESEARCH to "FIND THE CURE" she promised to Susan. Komen has done wonderful things to promote the breast cancer cause but has not made the great strides in its primary goal...THE CURE. Time for Nancy to refocus on her promise....time for us to help her do that....time for US to make sure money is directed to the most promising research projects to put an end to this...at any stage, metastatic as well. Enough of awareness already. ACTION! RESEARCH! So keeping on walking, keep on giving...just make sure the money is going to the place you want it to.
Katie,
What a brilliant post! I have been trying to figure out how it is that I will participate in the SGK race here this next month. Now I know how I will do it, thanks to you!
You are so wise.
I was diagnosed in March of 09. I was unable to participate in the 09 walk because of my health. So the first one I attended (post cancer diagnosis) was in 2010. I have learned so much since then (thanks to bloggers like you) about what is really going on and what is not going on.
Last year I had sponsors (I have to say, I felt a little weird about that at the time, mostly because I felt my sponsors had already done so much for me that I should not be barking up their tree and asking them to do more). I vowed I would never ask for another sponsor at a race for the cure event - not unless I see some real changes.
But, I do want to go. So, I am going to do exactly as you suggest, tell people if they want to join me - great and if they want to sponsor me please do not - instead donate elsewhere if they want to. I may suggest that they donate to lung cancer research.
All the best,
Lisa
I think it's really sad when breast cancer survivors like you, me and so many others feel guilty about our decisions to participate or not to participate in these races/walks. Something is so wrong with that picture. In this case, in my opinion, we are not the ones who should be feeling guilty. Komen should be. Do what feels right for you and use the opportunity as a platform for whatever you choose.
You've come a long way, baby! Love this post. I was with you that first year, I believe. I too was so inspired by the sisterhood of love and support that just engulfed the entire event -- the entire day really!! I believe that the majority of people who support the Race and other Komen events do so because they think they are doing the right thing and want to be supportive of the cause. You have been instrumental in educating me about the true "cause" and the questionable nature of Komen's current practices. We just need to keep working on the education piece. Peoples hearts are in the right place -- I know mine is!
This post really resonated with me. I want to be part of the camaraderie that comes with Komen's walks, but cringe when I think of how problematic the pink ribbon movement is. I really like your plan to walk and suggest other sources for those who might want to sponsor you. Yours is a solution that will allow me to also honor my resistance to the "machine." Singing up for the 5k today. Many thanks!
I'm running a weekend event with the Hash House Harriers where I live and donating the money to the Terry Fox Foundation this weekend. It does take a lot of thinking before you participate, and I'm solving my problems with asking other people to donate by donating $5 myself for every person who comes out to run with me this weekend.
I feel the same way -- on one hand I feel grateful to Komen for eliminating the shame associated with BC and for raising awareness, but on the other hand I feel fleeced by the "for the cure" part of the organization bc so little of what they do goes toward finding a cure. Thanks for the links to the other, well-deserving organizations.
Good for you for not wearing the pink shirt this year. You are an inspiration to everyone. Wish I could join you in Cincinnati. But I live clear across the country. You go, girl!
XOXO,
Jan
Go for the bonding, do not endorse the organization given their current practices.
Looks like a win-win strategy to me. I think in race language it makes you a Komen bandit.
Go Katie!
Katie, I think this is just great! You're running for the most important reason of all, the women just like you and me. Not for Komen. You put your money where you believe it does the most good, but you're showing your support to those that need it. Good for you. And when are you coming to NY to teach me how to start running?
Katie,
I so appreciate your honesty about your mixed feelings. I remember when I was just out of treatment, I participated in the walk, and it felt good. There is a real need for a sense of community with others affected by breast cancer.
So many of the participants also don't know the truth about Komen. I know I didn't -- until I found this amazing community of bloggers and Gayle Sulik's Pink Ribbon Blues.
I'm so glad you are doing what your gut instincts are telling you to do. I respect you greatly.
Good for you, Katie, for making a personal, heart-felt decision. I look forward to reading your experiences here. Also, kudos to you for promoting the BCAN.
PS: Katie, that previous post was from me, Belle_Laide.
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